we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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