you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize