you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
