okay pat passed out under dana's car
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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