whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize