fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
