I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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