Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
