I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
