I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
