The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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