I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
