She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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