All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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