mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
