saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
