party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize