Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
