Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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