And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
