I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
