He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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