u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
