spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
