My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
