So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
