she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
