I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
