Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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