it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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