i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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