I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize