I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
