First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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