Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
