Quick, to the slutcave!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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