The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
