This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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