just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
