Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
