Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
