Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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