I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
