she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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