last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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