Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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