Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
