Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
In America we eat man semen.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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