I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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