This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
