I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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