she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
