You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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