i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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