the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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