Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
