i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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