I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Don't make out with my wife yet
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize