I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
