You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
