Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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