my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
