I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I died a long time ago.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
