Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
