She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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