I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
