I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
