just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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