We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
