he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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