Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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