I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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