woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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