turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
