when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
time to smoke my breakfast
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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