At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
